Raising well-rounded children

by Shannon Short

Everyone wants to raise a well-rounded (but not fat) child.

It’s not that long ago that raising “happy” children was our goal. That was enough. But these days it is all about resilient children.

There are a multitude of books and resources on the subject. According to the Resiliency Resource Centre “resiliency refers to the capacity of human beings to survive and thrive in the face of adversity.”

The pressures on kids - and parents - to perform are enormous.

A visit to the Amazon website brings up 61,746 results for ‘parenting’ – it’s no wonder parents feel overwhelmed by advice and expectations.

I’m hit by the titles: Screamfree Parenting (Is that possible?); Have a new kid by Friday (yours or someone elses?); and my personal favourite, The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children - the title alone is enough to make me feel better about my own children!

While ‘well-rounded’ children may be our aim, we need to be careful that we’re not kneading them into an all-inclusive but unachievable mould.

When it boils down to it I think there are five things I’m aiming for as I parent my children – physical and mental well-being, confidence in their own skin, generosity, spirituality and vitality.

In a nutshell, I hope my children will be healthy, inwardly strong and outwardly focused achievers.

Healthy

Last year the Medical Journal of Australia published a report that claims that one in four Australian children are either overweight or obese. While it is a relief to discover that only 6-8% of children are considered obese, that statistic still reflects over a quarter of a million school age children.

The average Australian drinks 113 litres of soft drink a year – that’s over 2 litres a week or more than a glass a day.

Australia’s 17,000 fast food chains serve over 1.64 billion meals a year.

It’s no wonder we’re getting fatter.

And if you want another thing to be worried about, think also about the effect all this extra sugar is having on children’s teeth.

While many of our school canteens no longer stock unhealthy options and our televisions regularly remind us to eat ‘two fruit and five veg’, few of us seem to be taking notice.

A national nutrition survey asked kids what they’d eaten the day before. 40% had eaten no fruit. 23% had eaten no vegetables.

There’s something ironic about watching Biggest Loser while sitting on the couch eating potato chips.

Modelling healthy eating and physical exercise is something parents need to make a priority.

Inwardly Strong

There’s no doubt that children are encouraged to be more self-confident these days.

Fresh from his recent experiences at KCO (the Uniting Church’s Kids Camp Out), my seven year-old made up his own Photostory presentation (automated photos put to music) to share for show-and-tell at school. Gone are the days of showing your toy car and uttering a few words. He spent hours preparing his presentation to take on his own USB stick.

Empowering our children to feel confident in their own skin is vital. Gifting them with self-love is imperative.

All this talk of ‘resilience’ is simply self-confidence meshed with the ability to stand firm in the face of adversity; the inner-strength to take the knock-backs or the taunts and hold firm to their own character and values.

Outwardly focused

Hand-in-hand with self-love comes love for others. The danger in building confidence and self-esteem is that it can become ‘all about me’. I want my children to be just as passionate about the rights and needs of others as they are about their own.

Two of my son’s friends went busking at Christmas. With Santa hats and the cute factor in their favour, they raised $170 in four hours.

What staggered me, apart from the amount you can make pumping out a little ‘Silent Night’, is that their Mum asked them to give 50% of their takings to charity. They did so willingly - they weren’t quite so willing to shout their Mum a coffee after the gig though.

We need to find ways of encouraging our children to be generous. Our schools are good at this; we should also encourage it in our homes. Being community-minded shouldn’t just be a corporate act, it should be an individual one also.

Spirituality

Perhaps the most challenging area is helping your child to develop and grow in their own walk with God. Like all things in life, we can’t do it for them. Finding a church that has a lively children’s and youth ministry is important. So is modelling faith at home.

My son once asked a curly religious question. My husband referred him to one of our ministry team, saying “We’ll ask Rob, he’s a wise man.”

My wide-eyed boy responded: “what … one of THE wise men?”

While the situation was humorous, our inability to answer his question worries me. If we can’t articulate our faith to our kids, how can we really nurture them?

Investing time in our own spiritual journey is just as important as sending our kids off to Sunday School.

Vitality

Jesus said, “I have come that you might have life – life in abundance.” My strongest desire for my children is that they live life. We’re not designed to exist, we’re designed to contribute and make a difference to the lives of others.

Despite all the attention on the ‘myschool’ website, success isn’t merely about educational achievement. It’s about taking risks, having a go and stretching boundaries.

Treasure the moment

Before you feel overwhelmed by the enormity of the great expectations of parenthood, remember that the most life-changing investment you can make in your child won’t cost a cent.

That investment is your time.

A recent US study conducted by MTV and Associated Press asked teenagers what makes them feel happy. Surprisingly the number one answer was: ‘spending time with my family’.

“Life moves fast. Treasure the moment.” is the theme of the Uniting People campaign’s current focus on positive parenting.

Our aim is to profile the many simple ways that parents – just by sharing their time – can have a positive impact on their children’s lives.

As one who suffers chronically from mother-guilt, it is reassuring to know that the best gift I can give my children is also the simplest and most accessible – me.